Saturday, June 05, 2010

BAD Habits

I started writing this paragraph the day after a heated discussing with Emeny about politics and the reasons why he used his right to vote and I'm somewhat apathetic towards using my voice. I try to explain that it's out of lack of interest and knowledge about the various parties and he rightly points out that I have only myself to blame for not getting educated about said parties' policies. Unbeknownst to him, I had planned to actually get a little more pro-active about a lot of things including taking at least a couple of hours out of my week for creative pursuits (such as writing this for example) and getting my gray matter working again. Just a little too late for politics this term. Sorry Emeny!

I have fallen into the BAD habit of letting things slide. There are a number of things I've been wanting to do but somehow I've always managed to find an excuse to not to do them. To be blunt, I've become lazy! I realize that I've stopped making an effort to further myself and seeing my closest friend growing in leaps and bounds over the years has contributed to giving me a inferiority complex.

I know I should be concentrating on the things I do but that's hard when others around me naturally are the go-getter types (or at least appear that way) and I need pushing. I'm a good dad and boyfriend. I feel like I have a good personality. I'm a simple man living in a complicated world. Scratch that. I'm a man living in a complicated world, choosing not to dwell on its complexity.

Well, I'm trying to change that. Baby steps. First this. Then the Gym. That's right, the gym. I play football, you see. I'm pushing 30 and never actively made a point of trying to get myself into shape. You could say that nature has blessed me with a body that seems to be able to absorb all the crap I put into without gaining much, if any, weight but as far as actual fitness is concerned; forget about it!
Again, reasons for not doing so: A) Feels like too much work. B) If I'm at the gym, I'm not reading/watching/playing anything and that cannot be. I'll try to make an effort and stick to this. At the very least, I should try to stay fit for my family's sake. The Zombie Apocalypse is just around the corner and cardio is a must!

Talking about my preferred pursuits to creative enlightenment. I have mentioned on the podcast that I can't say for certain that I actually like the things I'm consuming, be it films,print or games. I think I might know why. Metaphor time. Imagine a candle. The wax is pleasure. Imagine the candle lit. I'm burnt out. There is always stuff I'm interested in. Always stuff to sit down and absorb. Always stuff to have an opinion on since a simple “It was alright” won't do in the world. Again, the need to break down simple entertainment has contributed to the lack of pleasure I'm getting. Numb, I'm numb.

What it comes down to at the end of the day is that I have become lazy!

I have joined the gym. I'm about to wrap this up and post it (mind you, it did take me several weeks to write these last few words. Still LAZY!)

Changes are happening and I might even enjoy them.


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