Monday, September 28, 2009

Get it together Grunts!

Alright, listen up grunts!

We have a rogue agent out there tearing the place up. God knows what his motives are but our orders are simple; bring him in dead or alive. All those years of training, all the effort that has gone into forming you, the elite crack unit comes to this! Before I send you out there I want to run you through a handful of tips to keep you alive:

Make sure all of your body is in cover – There’s no point hunkering down next to the destructible box or volatile barrel if your arse is hanging out, or your elbow is poking free. Learn to keep your head down and whatever you do don’t go darting from one place to the next, if your cover is solid then hold your ground grunt!

Grenades are your friends – Use them don’t lose them! If that sucker has holed himself up and is acting all yella’ then toss a pineapple his way and prompt him along. Flush that sucker out of his hiding hole and riddle him with bullets.

Work together – You are a team guys, moulded and crafted to work together. Spread out, flank your target and wrap that net tight around your target. In no circumstance is it right for you guys to line up and march single file on your enemy.

If your partner is shot... – Take cover you dolts! If you come under sniper fire then get into cover grunt and don’t dally! It sickens me when some coward picks off folk from a distance but watching you grunts run round like headless chickens makes me choke on pure rage. Pro tip, if you see a pile of corpses at a doorway then don't go poking your nose around the corner.

Shoot to kill – This ain’t no action movie grunt, we’re dealing with live rounds here and your very being is on the line. Aim straight, shoot straight and don’t cock it up grunts!

That does it, take this advice on board and go show that yellow-bellied rebel just what it means to be a part of the videogame elite squadron.


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